Behind in life. It's a feeling I'd lived with since my late teens. Born of the distrust and ultimate dismantling of event sequencing I envisioned for starting my adult life, perpetuated by the loving (no sarcasm, most were doing their best) voices telling me "there are no redos" and "what's done is done" in an effort to get me to stop bitching.
Many of the sayings we pass on do so much more damage than we realize. They are said thoughtlessly; autopilot responses that give us an action, the act of verbalization, to help quell our own learned sense of helplessness, and assuage any culpability our actions may have had in causing the discomfort we're witnessing whether in others or in ourselves. This idea that there are no second chances is one of them. And it's false.
Altering the course of shared history on an individual level is a feat yet unheard of (discounting the Mandela Effect). However, we are offered opportunities to reshape our present and future near constantly. And we can choose to reshape, rewrite, our personal history any time we want.
The structure of the Universe waves in vortexes and spirals. We see unidirectional, linear function only because it is easier for our brains to comprehend that simplistic order than the greater complexity of loops. And wherever the brain can conserve energy, it will.
It takes effort to see the repeated patterns. It takes more attention than we usually want to give. It takes more awareness than is comfortable.
But once the patterns appear, they are impossible to unsee.
And once seen, actions appear, breaking the illusion of complete helplessness.
What patterns are you seeing in your life?