Feeling Good Sucks, No Lie

Feeling good sucks! I totally get why so many people avoid it, taking the slow road to getting there. Sure, it’s fine in small doses, a yummy mini desert, but only the truly insane would want to exist in a state of bliss permanently, eating joy for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Why else do you think most people say “no” when asked if they would want to live in a “Happy Box”? Why else do you think it makes so much sense that swaths of people died when the machines built the Matrix as a Utopia? Because despite all of the differences between religions and cultures, East and West, the one thing we all agree on is Life is Suffering. So we should lean all the fucking way in and suffer! 😂 Now, I can see where many might read that as completely facetious. But it is sincere. With just a little bit of facetiousness thrown in 😆 Because despite that we all agree on suffering, we still clamor and strive for the “happy” ideal Because even though it is insane to be happy, it’s also insane to want to suffer (out loud). Worse, it is socially unacceptable. What you’re striving for is the lovely middle place where you aren’t consciously suicidal, but you’re also not Grinning Cheshire Cat-style in the supermarket, open, vulnerable, and totally safe looking like a fool Awed by the number of different types of corners there are, how orgasmically different the texture of the floor feels between your hands and your feet Breaking into spontaneous tears of joy in the middle of your kitchen, the middle of the park, the middle of the street Because fuck!, I’m Alive!, and this place is amazing! You don’t want my average everyday. Thaaat, with all of it’s deep, contented sighs and euphoric emotion, would be too much. 😏 It’s cool for a select few. They’re brave. They’re lucky. They’re loftily, distantly aspirational. They’re some strange Pegacorn that you could never afford to be 😏 You can’t afford it But you Will afford the increasing anxiety that makes you ever more afraid to leave your kids alone with your husband. You Will afford your children watching and internalizing your growing distrust, and straining your marriage. You can’t afford it But you Will afford slipping deeper into depression that is rapidly leading to job loss and disability and apathy - if it hasn’t already. You can’t afford it But you Will afford the panic attacks and the isolation and the sexual dysfunction and the fibromyalgia and the dissonance and the dissociation and the brain fog and the fear. Because those things are Normal. And cheap. They cost Everything that is now Nothing because your life has No Value beyond the lip service you give it in the hopes other people won’t call you crazy to your face 😄 Valuing Your Life, valuing Feeling Good, requires putting your money (and yes, I am also talking about actual money here; alert the healer taboo police if so desired 😆) where your mouth is and making it happen. It requires valuing change More than you value your life. And I hear you, “Whoa! That’s super dramatic, Rhiannon. Take it down a notch. It’s not that serious.” 😬😬😬 😂🤣😂🤣 Yeah. It is 🙃🙂😃 It is dramatic. And it is that serious. Taking this drama lightly means giving weight to your trauma, and believing the lie of your life as it is now, in its worthlessness, protecting your comfortable discomfort. Like the woman who told me on our consult, “Now, I get tough love, but don’t push because I’ve recently had suicidal ideation.” She threw down her Life to protect the overwhelm she said was the cause of her problems. She shielded the pattern she claimed she wanted to dissolve. And she didn’t see it. She didn’t want to (as evidenced by her hanging up on and blocking me before I could point it out to her 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️😆) You get to protect your pain. That’s your choice. Or You get to be free. That’s your choice! It is one of the few things in life that is not a both/and. Deciding honestly whether you will face the Hydra or stay chained in the cave being eaten is the greatest act of bravery you will ever commit. Because feeling good sucks! It is uncomfortable. It is uncertain. It is unknown. It is only reached by deciding you want it anyway and affording to have it no matter what. What do you want? https://rsconsultation.as.me/?appointmentType=16850762

how to feel good about yourself, self esteem, healing trauma, overcoming PTSD, trauma therapy

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