Permission or Forgiveness

"It is better to ask for forgiveness than permission."


Asking for either is a trauma response.


We ask for permission when we believe we have no autonomy, believing instead that we are powerless. We need another to allow us to act and have presence in the world.


We ask for forgiveness to assuage our own guilt or restore our sense of self worth; we seek to lessen that emotional pain through other's decree of restoration because we feel too weak to handle it or to make it right.


These common and expected social postures create unequal power dynamics within our interactions, immediately assuming we are the lesser of two (or more) people.


Continually telling ourselves we are less than not only reinforces previous traumas and feelings of powerlessness, but is a trauma in and of itself.