Be authentic.

Be yourself.

Words heard time and time again as advice for dating, for marketing, for life.

Words I myself have passed on, understanding their value, but not understanding their substance.

Because "self" is not something I relate to.

I have no core state of being. I have no primary set of interests. I have no consistent MO.

When I was younger, I referred to myself as a chameleon because I could shape and color myself to fit any situation I was in. It made me invisible. It made me likable. It made me feel disingenuous.

Authenticity: a laugh to hide the cry joke, because who will believe you're authentic when you are inconsistent?

In-constant flux. In-consistent swing. In-consistency more formless than formed.

I have spent an uncalculable percent of my life trying to find the niche that defines "me" - as a person, as a bodyworker, as an entrepreneur.

But what happens when you fits nearly everywhere you sits?

Likelihood is that even if no one outright says they think you're an impostor, or you're faking it, or that you just need to "be the real you," you're going to feel as if you are and you aren't. Like you're doing something wrong.

Because the if-I-fits-I-sits model works so well for everyone else.

Just not for you.

It's your curse.

It's your magick.

And you can learn to wield it at full potency.

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