These two questions the most important when we're looking for the root causes of our pain and trauma.
This video is a demonstration (me talking to myself) of finding the root cause of the disconnection and numbness I am feeling.
-Why am I feeling numb and disconnected?
Because I am tired of feeling stressed out and angry; numb, because I'm tired of feeling stressed out and angry.
-Why am I feeling stressed out and angry?
Because I am worried I've put a whole bunch of time and effort and money into a tool that isn't going to serve me and it scares the fuck out of me. It scares the fuck out of me that if this doesn't work for me, I basically risked every fucking thing and I will see no return on investment. And I'm basically just I'm going to be shit out of luck. Like there's just, everything's going to blow, so what really, if this tool doesn't work, then I was lied to, I was misled. Then I was suckered and I can't trust myself.
(This is where things start to get a little brutal because you've got to keep going. There are will be points in the process that you will want to stop, to dig no deeper, because the deeper truth is painful. Persistence, feeling how it registers in your body, is key.)
-Why can't I trust myself?
I can't trust myself. I guess this is just going to be like every other thing that I've done for my own healing I'm I'm going to have done it wrong and - Oh, fuck. Okay - and I never do the right thing. I never know what to do. And so I always do the wrong thing and I don't know what to do - shit - because I don't trust myself.
-And so what if I don't trust myself?
I can't do life. I can't do life because I'll always do it wrong and I'll always fuck it up.
-So what? Why does it matter?
Because I want to do things right.
Because I want the life that I deserve. I don't want to feel like I'm being punished anymore.
And that is the thing that really hit. There's the root: I feel disconnected because I don't want to feel like I'm being punished anymore.
You will know when you have found the core in the same way you have a revelation. It will hit. It will be a physical/energetic change. You will just know.
One of the most difficult things about this type of internal self questioning is that you must listen to the Shadow Voice (the answering voice) as if it is true, while simultaneously acknowledging that Voice tells nothing but lies. You need to be able to feel the difference.
Finding the center of the thought can be amazing in and of itself. Your brain says some really nutty shit that you're completely unaware of at times, and it feels really light to have it out and open. Getting to that "ah-ha" takes some fortitude; sometimes the answer to "why" or "so what" seems really obvious, or we just feel like we don't want to go there. Go there anyway.
Once you have found the core, there are different ways to clear out that energy and eliminate that thought pattern. I will do mine off camera.
If you have any questions, or want to work with me to eliminate the unconscious patterns that are running your life, apply for a consultation.